I am totally down
Totally
I feel like a loser
I feel weak
Like a weak women
I always think nothing can make me down
Nobody is important to me to make me down
But today I found it again
I am dependent
On people
And they can play with me
With my life
Yes
And they did!
They did a good job
And made me down.
I will leave them
For ever
I don't know why I'm down today
There is no reason
Logical reason
I had a great day with Alice and Mapin in thamputan (Indian performance) yesterday. it was 6 AM when we left the house. After watching the performance We had a nice gathering with my ex classmates (Malaysian-chine's) in an Indian restaurant. We watched American gangster in Cinema. So when we came back home for the first time I slept at 8 pm in Malaysia And when I got up it was 6 AM
It's good that Alice is here
It's good that I can say goodnight to someone before sleep
It's good that I can share my entire life with somebody
But I don't know why I am so down today...
I had a nice weekend with Alice in Melaka .it was nice not because of Melaka and because of the good weather and delicious foods
No, I mean it because
Alice is nice , not because she is French and I am crazy about French culture/behavior and language...no, it's because she is nice like a colorful forest after raining
.
Alice is nice, not because she knew Persian and I can speak Persian with her and I like my language no, Alice is nice because she is nice like a blue sky after rainbow
.
Alice is nice not because she is clever and strong , and I hardly can find women like her, No, she is nice because she is nice ,she is simply nice like a blue sea after a heavy beachcomber
...
i had a good weekend because being with Alice is nice in Melaka and Pulau Besar island ...
Hello mapin
I just read the last post that maryam has written in her weblog, it impressed me alot, it was such a nice one which i thought you as her colse friend would like to read it, the idea of traslating it basiccaly formed when I thought you will like it but now that I'm doing it I feel I just trasnlated for myself since I really liked to re write it somehow.. it gives me the pleasure of reading a persian poem and then write it in my private notebook
Erfan
It’s hard, bitter and painful to believe it, to believe that you are no more here, you are no more here to give us one of those speeches about the energy that positivism gives us, to be top of the crop in every party and ceremony we held, to set your costume’s color with each other, to be the most well dressing girl among all our relatives. You are no more here so that we feel proud by attaching ourselves to you and take photos of your painting and proudly show it to others as your masterpiece. You are no more here to make wall-journal for me and make me feel like going to school, you are no more here to ask me to search for a university to get your PHD in Arts here, you're no more here to laugh to the funny things your little son would do... those loud laughs which is typical of our family.. It’s so hard to believe i and I feel your absence even from here, from this far distance, the pain of your absence... But I understand that you relived after all from those sufferings and those two years that the nasty cancer was diminishing your unique and powerful attitude...
And how simple minded I was that I would thought you are getting well only because you loved the bouquet of flower I brought for you, and because you laughed to what I and my brother said about power of the mind and you'd answered “sometimes the pain is so severe that even the mind can not control it” and continued “I was not like those who remain idle.. But now my hands are up toward my fate...” And then I have shifted the discussion by retelling the little funny memorial of my sis and you again laughed to it... Those laugh which are typical of our family...
And now after all I'm crying for your not being amongst us, and even Mapin's philosophy can not calm me down, since I feel your absence even from this far.. You were always dear to me, you are dear to me and you will be dear for me for ever. Your memory is with us, the impression of what you would say, your affairs and those nice masterpieces… I wish you will have better days ahead of you, at least without the pain of the nasty cancer...
Peace be upon your soul...